I’m an avid watcher of the Investigation Discovery channel.  Chock-full of sex, murder, money, and whodunit hour-long documentaries, I’m particularly intrigued by the series featuring scorned wives, lovers, and husbands who find the myriad of ways to plan and execute the demise of their spouse or significant other.  In many of the cases, the use of arsenic, or some other lethal poison, seemed to be the tried and true trope employed, to gradually kill unsuspecting victims: placed in food and/or beverages over an extended period of time.

The use of poison was also a heavily used motif in William Shakespeare’s tragedy “Hamlet”. And who can forget how Snow White’s contemptuous stepmother (disguised as a gnarled old woman) fed her that poisoned apple, leaving poor Snow White in a state of suspended animation.

Looking to secure her spot among a cabal of cunning assassins, in a tale seemingly drafted for prime time television, a Brazilian woman from the city of São José do Rio Preto, gave literal meaning to Bell Biv Devoe’s “Poison” , when she decided to generously apply an unnamed toxin inside her vagina and invite her 43-year-old husband to engage her in cunnilingus, in hopes he’d ingest it. But alas, when hubby dove in for the kill, he noticed an unappetizing odor wafting from his wife’s delicates and recoiled from the salacious buffet de chatte she was serving up, vitiating her poorly orchestrated plan.

According to the UK’s ‘TheWeek’ …

“[His] suspicions were aroused when [he] noticed an unusual odor emanating from her private parts and, fearing she was unwell, took her to the hospital, Brazil’s Tvi24 reports. Medical tests revealed she had doused her vagina with enough of the unspecified toxin to kill both her husband and herself.”

“Confronted with the test results, the woman reportedly confessed to her crime. It is believed she hatched the bizarre plot after asking her husband for a divorce.  (…) Tvi24 says the woman has received medical treatment and sources claim her husband plans to sue her for attempted murder.”

The incident apparently took place sometime in April, 2011, but the unusual case has found its way back in the press and prompted renewed interest in the story, as it’s currently being reported across various social media and news platforms.

vagina-poisonNeedless to say, let this cautionary tale serve as a reminder that, unless it’s water soluble and grease-less,  don’t insert it in your orifice, as genitals.  Poison-laced oral sex only serves to hurt the genitals of the perpetrator more than it does the intended victim.  If you’re a disgruntled wife looking to punctuate a point about your lackluster marriage, just get a $12,000 vaginoplasty and charge it to your estranged/reviled husband’s credit card. Seems like a, somewhat, safer bet.