It’s August, so you know what that means? Yes, everyone is on vacation on Capitol Hill. Congress is away on vacation and your hard-working president is as well. He’s about to take off for 17 days to hang out at his golf resorts and anywhere that doesn’t resemble the “dump,” he calls the White House.
My guess is that a respite is much deserved. Given all the heavy lifting it took to Make America Great Again
where the Trump administration has done nothing but fail to date perhaps a few days off couldn’t hurt. I mean, what’s a little time to play golf, right?
Yes, being President of the United States is hard.
Maybe not as hard as President is being a professional racism-chasing-blogger, expert shit talker, and political commentator. But even so, from time to time, we too need a break. So, I took one last week. I took a step back from being your blogging superhero to spend time with my family in Michigan. Yes, in the real world where the summer heat hardly resembles what I’ve become used to down here in Tennessee.
Lemme tell you: It was beautiful!
I was unplugged from the news all week while on vacation with my family. Yes, no network tv news; no cable tv news; no internet; zero social media; no nothing. In fact, even my fellow blog partners refused to take my calls while I was away. I can only guess that they knew what was good for me and acted accordingly.
But guess what? I’m back.
Apparently, there was a lot of fuckery afoot on Capitol Hill while I was away.
I’m still playing catch-up and trying to make sense of it all.
But so far it sounds like:
- Donald Trump peed on a few Boy Scouts and blamed Obama for what he did. Because, why not?
- Sean Spicer was replaced by a shit-talking wannabe mob consigliere who fellates Trump at every turn like Monica Lewinski. Apparently, he wasn’t very good at sucking his own cock so he was fired after 10 days before his official start date.
- John McCain snuck out of his crypt in Arizona, then ran across the country to DC like Forrest Gump and saved the world.
- Mitch McConnell was moved to tears after McCain did what he did, because, turtles love old people. They grow old together.
- Reince Priebus was sent to pick-up donuts and coffee for the WH staff, and he hasn’t been seen since. This made Steve Bannon so happy that he donated to the NAACP in Hitler’s name.
- Fresh out of fucks, Barack Obama was seen laughing maniacally at it all while butt-naked, as he flipped pancakes in the kitchen on one of his many private islands.
Like I said, I’m just now catching up. So, did I miss anything while I was out enjoying life?
This is what happens when you choose not to vote or vote for dead-end third-party candidates. You know, because Hillary Clinton was the devil who eats children at Wall Street dinners and, well… emails. Yep, aren’t you happy about being a responsible adult?
The Trump administration is preparing to redirect resources of the Justice Department’s civil rights division toward investigating and suing universities over affirmative action admissions policies deemed to discriminate against white applicants, according to a document obtained by The New York Times.
The document, an internal announcement to the civil rights division, seeks current lawyers interested in working for a new project on “investigations and possible litigation related to intentional race-based discrimination in college and university admissions.”
The announcement suggests that the project will be run out of the division’s front office, where the Trump administration’s political appointees work, rather than its Educational Opportunities Section, which is run by career civil servants and normally handles work involving schools and universities.
So the Department Of Justice (DOJ) under Jeff Sessions will now take colleges and universities to court for discriminating against white applicants by favoring racial minorities in the interest of diversity. Because of course affirmative action is racist. And well, white people get weepy because that’s just what “economic anxiety” does to them. Yes, the sensibilities of some white folks are as tender as an angel’s labia.
What the DOJ won’t be doing, however, is investigating or holding local police departments accountable via consent decrees when they abuse civil rights, or “accidentally” kill people of color. Hey, accidents do happen. After all, we’re all human and not RoboCop.
So anyway, thanks for playing “I’m A Fucking Dumbass” by voting for Jill Stein or sitting out the 2016 general election. Be sure to tip your waiters and claim your parting gift of oppression as you exit the building. If we don’t see you in 2018, be sure to fly MAGA Airways in 2020. Once again, thanks for being a responsible adult in helping to usher in the orange apocalypse. Don’t worry, some of us will survive this, but we’ll never forget.
Sounds about white, right?