Fumbling Towards Ecstasy
I turned 34 last month. I’m currently still single. That brief prelude out of the way, let me opine that there is nothing more daunting than a married or betrothed woman judging another single adult woman as cynical or pitiful, because at this juncture of her life (mid-thirties), they’ve come to terms with being single.
Why is it impossible to believe that single-hood isn’t considered a horrible affliction for those of us who’ve made peace with it? Many single women would like to meet a companion to relish and be affectionate with other than the gay one who sticks his tongue down down her throat for a play-play make-out session when the alcohol induced mood hits (Oh… I think I’m alone on this particular ledge). In any event, the whole process of dating in this day and age and the annoying adagio dance it entails can be loathsome and exasperating. Both online (which makes me shudder when I think of the trail of unstable not-the-ones I’ve dallied with) and in real-time. Having to navigate around the ever changing “rules” … and inconsistent personalities, just to be yourself is simply too much sometimes. Stepping back and re-evaluating is a good thing. Many of us want to date on our own terms without interference.
For myself, being on the proverbial dating shelf and dating sporadically if someone strikes my fancy and he doesn’t have questionable first (and last) stories about botched, back alley vasectomies as a way to explain why they’re missing 5-inches worth of penis, to share (don’t ask) - works for me… for now. Being single is difficult sometimes… there is no doubt about that… but the trials and tribulations of relationships can be just as difficult. My wish is that other well-meaning women in steady relationships and who are married would get off my case about being single. Suddenly everyone is a quasi-dating expert or fixer-upper. No, I don’t want to thrust my bosom, body, vagina, and soul on the first man who looks in my direction. No, I don’t want to balance my intelligent, witty, womanly self whilst thinking like a man. Acting out of character to seduce a prospect has never been my bag, as experience has prompted me to work within my comfort level, at my own pace when it comes to mating/dating rituals. To… “go with the flow” as they say. So insisting that I throw myself on someone does me no favors.
There is nothing more patronizing than self-righteous women- (especially those who’ve been indisposed in their relationships/marriages for some time and so haven’t had to deal with dating drama)- trying to call me negative for not trying “hard enough to find” a man or giving me some lecture on the importance of finding love and tsk tsking at those of us who haven’t met our complement yet. Pardon me for actually having enough things to do in the meantime … none of which include rocking back and forth in a fetal position crying the sad requiem of “Woe is Me” because I’m single. Situations that unfold naturally and gradually are okay.
If I’m being frank, the sardonic and wry parts of me would like to offer to date their husbands/boyfriends (since he’s *soooo great* and I’ve no idea what type of l’amour I’m missing) out of single, solitary spite … Sometimes, I think about how I’d feel or be if I were currently married or in a monogamous relationship… but those thoughts mine to mull over. Someone’s single self is no one else’s business unless they make it so. There are worse things a person could be other than single… hunchbacked and unhygienic comes to mind…
Do any of you singles ever come across folks who constantly criticize you for being single and thirty?
