I have been hanging out with Mr. Officer for about eight months now. He told me from day one that he was not interested in commitment, that he was a lousy boyfriend, and did not want to be in a “relationship”. He just wanted a “friend with benefits”. He told me that the last “FWB” he had started becoming too clingy and pushy, so he stopped chilling with her. So, I decided from Day 1 that I was not going to follow my usual routine of meeting a guy, falling head over heels for him, calling him 24/7 and chasing him away with my neediness.
It helps that the sex with Mr. Officer is so damn good. And that he has the body of a god (no joke, I actually have seen him pose like Atlas holding the world above his head). When the dick game is THAT good, a girl does not want to do anything to mess things up. So, knowing he does not like the whole relationship pressure cooker type situation, I only call Mr. Officer when I need some sex. I do not call him just to bullshit on the phone, and I do not push him to see me more often. He spends a lot of time working, so I am cool with seeing him just 2 to 3 times a month. One of the reasons he gave me for not wanting a relationship is because his job takes up a lot of his time, and most women cannot understand that, and get frustrated when he does not call and visit when they want him to.
Besides, I honestly could not see myself seriously involved with a cop. Even one who seems to espouse similar political beliefs as me (he talks about as much shit about the racist system as I do AND claims he is not like most cops, who he says are, in general, corrupt pigs!!) The first time he came to see me, I could not resist playing "Black Cop" and "Sound of da police" just to see how he would react. He told me he I should turn up the music! I must confess, it is kind of a turn on when he tells me to "assume the position"! And he has hand cuffs... need I say more?
Anyway, a few weeks ago, I was telling him that I have been thinking of moving to Brooklyn (he lives there as do many of my friends). He seemed to really like the idea, and told me that I should start looking for an apartment. He even said that if I move out there, he would comes see me 2 or 3 times a WEEK! I was kind of surprised when he mentioned it the next time I saw him, because I really did not think he wanted anything more than what we have now.
Ok, so he came to see me Tuesday morning. And, on the way over to my house, he called me. He made a comment that I am really trying not to read too much into. He joked to me “Damn, you live too far. I am going to have to find me a new girlfriend who doesn‘t live 64 miles away from me!” I told him “Hey, don’t use the word girlfriend! You told me you don’t like girlfriends!” and he answered “Actually girlfriends don’t like me!” So, I left it at that. I did not ask him the question that was on my mind… if he is joking about finding a NEW girlfriend who “does not live 64 miles away” then is he saying that the woman who lives so far away right now (that would be me) is his CURRENT girlfriend? And if so, how did that happen without me knowing about it?
And, to add even more to my bafflement, Mr. Officer gave me a kiss on his way out the door. Now, mind you, it was just a peck, but it has never happened before. He specifically told me he was not into kissing, so I never pushed the issue. I looked at him quizzically and was like “WTF was that?” He just said casually, “A peck” and kept it moving.
Of course, when he left I got all excited wondering if he considered me more than just a friend. He already mentioned in the past that he was not sexually involved with anyone else. He asked me a while back to not mess with other dudes (it took me about 5 months before I agreed to that one!) He has expressed an interest in having a baby with me. And, he mentioned on several occasions that when you get good sex, you want to do whatever it takes to keep it.
See, the thing is, I think that maybe acting like I really do not want anything serious is the way to find something! At this point, I do not know if I really have room in my life to have a man around every day. Not that I am all that busy, but I am used to being on my own and not having to answer to anyone. So, maybe this relationship, whatever it is, is the best way for me to go.
Funny thing is, I have a man who I talk to but have not yet met. He has told me that he wants to be my man, and is planning to come see me in May. And, he has expressed a desire to come live near me so we can be together full time. But, as much as I have wanted a serious relationship for so long, I am kind of wondering if I even want to be bothered. I kinda like the way things are between me and Mr. Officer, and I do not know if I am willing to give up an "FWB" relationship that works (and some of the best sex I have had in my life) for one that may just be too cloying at this point!
Now, part of me has been tempted all along to start to OD and call Mr. Officer every day and push him to come over more often. But, another part of me knows that is the surest way to fuck things up, and things are too good to take the chance of pushing Mr. Officer away!
I had a conversation with M (the guy I have been obsessing over, but who is just a friend) when I first met Mr. Officer. M told me that I needed to stay away from Mr. Officer because he was a cop. When I told him that Mr. Officer was not interested in a "relationship", he told me that “relationship” and “romance” are not always synonymous… that we have “relationships” with any individual we speak to or correspond with. So, by that definition, yes, Mr. Officer and I have a “relationship”, even if I am not his “girlfriend”. Oh, and M also told me that if I continued to associate with Mr. Officer he and I could no longer be friends, because I would be "suspect" in his eyes. He has no idea that I still chill with Mr. Officer, and as far as I am concerned, he does not need to know. But that is a whole other story.
The question is… Do I still want to seek the traditional “soul mate”/”love of my life” type of relationship, or is what I have with Mr. Officer a better option for me at this point?? I mean, going down the list, he seems like the ultimate catch. Good sex? Check. Willingness to co-parent? Check. Hot as hell? Check. Intelligent? Check. Political? Check. It seems like he has got it all. Although he does not eat my cooking.....
