So it’s no secret that RiPPa loves the kids. Yes, I’m currently the father of three beautiful young ladies with another one due in January. I’m not gonna sit here and suggest that I’m the best parent in the world because I’m sure that there are a lot of things I could have done differently over the years. But hey, with a new baby on the way, please believe that I plan to do better with this one than I’ve done with each successive child in my care over the years. Times have changed, and adapt I must. That’s why I’m going to teach this to my now 2yr old, and my newborn next year:

Yep, when I first saw the above video on Facebook over the weekend (one of my contacts is connected to the mother of this child), I was jealous of the lady who uploaded it. She was so proud that her baby won $20.00 earlier that day in a dance contest that she decided to have an after party/celebration at her house in her kitchen. Yes, like all proud parents, she wanted the world to see just what her baby could do. Nothing makes a parent more proud than the accomplishments of their kids, and I was jealous that it wasn’t one of mine.

“Shake that ass, do the Stanky Leg, and you’ll never starve baby girl,” is going to be the message I teach my two youngest girls. Oh trust me; they’re not going to be eventual failures like their two older sisters. Like I said, I failed with them; I can only wonder what they’ll be able to do to be self sufficient when they get out of high school in the next two years. Had I done my job as a parent, at 16 and 15yrs old as they are today, they would be able to do this:

Boy do I wish my two oldest kids had such confidence in themselves.

When you’re able to dance and motivate erections by random men…

The world is definitely your oyster, no?

Obviously the parents of these children, unlike me, realized just how important confidence and making the booty pop is to ones survival. How can one expect their children to leave the nest and go out into the world without the necessary confidence to do something strange for a little piece of change? Sure you may deem such artistic expression inappropriate for girls at that age; but hey, you gotta start somewhere, right? Yep, women bitch a lot about different issues – they even form womanist groups and stuff. But I’m willing to bet that life would be different for them had they all started out dancing on a kitchen table and learned how to Twerk it instead of blaming men for their troubles.

P.S. If you fail to see the sarcasm in this post you should drink a warm cup of bleach.