I haven’t given two shits about Tiger Woods or anything even related to him, but this one was too good to pass up. Who knew that one man’s choice to cheat on his wife would be the comedy Gods’ gift that keeps giving. So we all know he was busted by his wife via every players nemesis – the numbers in the cell phone. But now, details of his text messages, or as the young folks call it – sexting – has been released.

And lemme tell you, not that I care that Mr. Tall Teeth is into that rough sex thing? In his exchange with porn star, Joslyn James? It’s the fact that he asked her if she was into the whole “can I pee on you,” thing that cracks me up. Maybe that’s the secret to his golf game; peeing on women. R. Kelly would be so proud.

Read the following excerpt from the exchange between him and her. And when you do, read it with Tiger Woods’ voice in your head because it makes the experience hilarious. If you don’t do that, I promise you it will be as disgusting as 2 girls 1 cup. I don’t know about this sexting thing; the shit sounds dull as hell to me, and also a waste of keystrokes, but to each his own I suppose. Thank God his sex tape never surfaced:

Tiger:Sent: 04:06 PM 08/28/2009:
I want to be deep inside you

Tiger:Sent: 03:19 PM 08/29/2009:
I need that so bad

Tiger:Sent: 03;29 PM 08/29/2009:
Now:)

Tiger:Sent: 03:30 PM 08/29/2009:
Me to. I would wear you out

Tiger:Sent: 03:32 PM 08/29/2009:
I have no idea. I would love to have the ability to make you sore

Tiger:Sent: 03:35 PM 08/29/2009:
In a week. I will try to wear you out

Tiger:Sent: 03:36 PM 08/29/2009:
After i cum you better start sucking my cock to get it hard

Tiger:Sent: 03:37 PM 08/29/2009:
Do you ever hook up with other guys or girls

Tiger:Sent: 03:41 PM 08/29/2009:
You didnt answer the question

Tiger:Sent: 03:43 PM 08/29/2009:
Ok. I would like to have a threesome with you and another girl you trust

Tiger:Sent: 03:48 PM 08/29/2009:
Does that excite you at all or no

Tiger:Sent: 03:52 PM 08/29/2009:
God girl. You better want to take care of me

Tiger:Sent: 03:56 PM 08/29/2009:
You do. Need more of it

Tiger:Sent: 03:59 PM 08/29/2009:
of you

Tiger:Sent: 04″02 PM 08/29/2009:
I want to treat you rough. Throw you around, spank and slap you

Tiger:Sent: 04:06 PM 08/29/2009:
Slap your face. Treat you like a dirty little whore. Put my cock in your ass and then shove it down your throat

Tiger:Sent: 04:07 PM 08/29/2009:
You are my fucking whore

Tiger:Sent: 04:08 PM 08/29/2009:
Hold you down while i choke you and Fuck that ass that i own

Tiger:Sent: 04:10 PM 08/29/2009:
Then im going to tell you to shut the Fuck up while i slap your face and pull your hair for making noise

Tiger:Sent: 04:21 PM 08/29/2009:
Where do you want to be bitten

Tiger:Sent: 04:24 PM 08/29/2009:
Ok. Now your talking. Whatever i want. You are mine

Tiger:Sent: 04:39 PM 08/29/2009:
Whatever else turns you on

Tiger:Sent: 04:43 PM 08/29/2009:
You tell me what you like

Tiger:Sent: 04:48 PM 08/29/2009:
You are. Always will be. Don’t trust people

Tiger:Sent: 04:48 PM 08/29/2009:
But you still have not told me what turns you on

Tiger:Sent: 04:53 PM 08/29/2009:
I know you have tried every positing imaginable but what turns you on besides a dp

Tiger:Sent: 5:00 PM 08/29/2009:
I really do want to be rough with you. Slap you around

Tiger:Sent: 05:12 PM 08/29/2009:
For years. And punish you for not seeing me more

Tiger:Sent: 05:15 PM 08/29/2009:
I want you to beg for my cock. Kiss you all over to convince me to let you have it in your mouth

Tiger:Sent: 05:18 PM 08/29/2009:
We will see how bad you want me

Tiger:Sent: 05:26 PM 08/29/2009:
Next time i see you, you better beg and if you don’t do it right i will slap, spank, bite and fuck you till mercy

Tiger:Sent: 09:20 AM 09/03/2009:
Was playing sexy

Tiger:Sent: 10:23 AM 09/08/2009:
So when can i have that ass again

Tiger:Sent: 12:40 PM 09/08/2009:
I will be back in a couple hours

Tiger:Sent: 12:42 PM 09/08/2009:
I have to leave for an appearance at 430 but i will be back at 730 for dinner and lots of dessert with you. How about a quickie before i go:)

Tiger:Sent: 01:28 PM 09/08/2009:
Have you ever had a golden shower done to you

Tiger:Sent: 01:29 PM 09/08/2009:
Just morbid curiosity

If that didn’t disgust you enough just thinking of him doing it, you can read more over at SextingJoslynJames.

Tough break nigga; should’ve just rented some porn and jerked off.

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RiPPa is the creator, publisher, and editor-in-chief of The Intersection of Madness & Reality. As a writer, he uses his sense of humor, sarcasm, and sardonic negro wit to convey his opinion. Being the habitual line-stepper and fire-breathing liberal-progressive, whether others agree with him, isn’t his concern. He loves fried chicken, watermelon, and President Barack Obama. Yes, he's Black; yes, he's proud; and yes, he says it loud. As such, he's often misunderstood.