By Cruz

Soooooo, Tiger Woo is a big ole stankin cheatbag! well lookie lookie here……. Now I happen to be of the vagina persuasion and I’m not exactly all up in arms about this Tiger-gate thing as everyone else. I think as long as a man has a fully functional, adult sized penis where all the bells and whistles work (meaning it still skeets babies and such) that he might sometimes get a hankering for a cocktail waitress here and there. I mean he absolutely HAD to have a nanny so why not a waitress? I hear everyone saying “damn he coulda at least upgraded” but for what? and upgraded to who? a fellow pro athlete? a doctor? lawyer?

Tiger has no use for a woman of that caliber, in fact no cheating man does because that kind of woman more than likely has self esteem and the ability and desire to snag an unwed penis. Just like when Kobe stuck his 3 pointer in that ‘towel girl/masseuse booty scratcher’, of course he coulda done better, but better wants more shit and let’s face it, a cheating pro athlete may have an abundant amount of cash to spend but he is very short on time or desire to wine and dine someone he’s humping on the side.

Now what I love best about all this is the sex-ting:

“I will wear you out…when was the last time you got (bleeped)?”

“Send me something very naughty…Go to the bathroom and take (a picture).”

Say word Tiger! RRRRRGGHHHH!!! I mean that “wear you out” one gave me a girl woody like fa real fa real, who woulda ever thunk proper Tiger and his 400 teeth could utter such filth from his fingertips……… HOLE IN ONE!!! I hear that playa!

From where I stand, the Swedish nanny is one lucky broad. Her husband who is worth nearly a billion dollars cheated on her, she needs to be celebrating, this is a joyous occasion, IT’S A CELEBRATION BITCH!

I mean come on nanny lady, the man is worth a billion dollars, he can’t sessy text a few undesireables every now and then?? Your’re pretty tough on a brother aren’t cha? I don’t know how it goes down in Sweden but over here in the states us ladies see the value in being able to sit on our ass all day and get pregnant, we would never let some silly sexting get in the way of that, something tells me you have caught on to the ways of the worthless Amercan woman Swedish nanny and to that I say, good for you! I have a knack for getting cheated on by transit workers and church organ players and my consolation usually involves tears and a Subway sandwich, from where I’m sitting you are on Easy Street like a mug! Sheeeiiittttt……..

Perhaps none of this is about money at all and you actually love the Tiger, I mean I don’t wanna be a cynic just cause love keeps passing me by and shittin on my hopes and dreams, that’s the last thing I wanna do. In the end it’s between you and the ‘man of many teeth’, public opinion ain’t worth squat but if you’re reading this Tiger, just know that I woulda kept my mouth shut and it woulda only cost you a pound of the finest Peruvian weave and maybe a dime bag. It’s the little things that bring me joy……

Want more from Cruz? Visit her at Witches Brew