I came across the news that Halle Berry and her boyfriend/baby-daddy of 5yrs, are no longer an item. Rumor has it, homeboy got kinda tired of their age difference and found his eyes wandering elsewhere – she is 43 and he’s 34yrs old. So now instinctively I’m thinking, “maybe a brotha like me still has a chance.”

But then I got to thinking about all the guys that she has dated (or married) who eventually kicked her to the curb? So now I’m thinking, “Damn, lotta cats ran through that, son. Nah, you don’t want that.” Which is bullshit because the average fat bastard like me would welcome Halle Berry even if her vagina was dragging on the floor as we both walk hand in hand.

So what is it about Halle Berry and why she just can’t seem to keep a man? I mean what is it that prevents the one woman brothas my age has epitomized for years as the ultimate standard of beauty? What, is she just that unlucky? Are all the men with whom she has had relationships, trifling? I mean no sister this fine can be that unlucky, right?

Yep, and no man can be that unmindful of the fact that this is “Halle Berry” he’s kicking it with, and going to bed next to, right? I mean, sure there may be some level of intimidation considering the fact that she has been the source of masturbatory motivation for guys my age for about the last 20yrs, right? But c’mon, this is Halle-Fuckin-Berry, son! Sure there’ll be sheisty thirsty-ass n*ggas who attempt to throw salt in your game, right? But hey, f*ck intimidation; hell, that’s when you stick your chest out because you’re the man.

So I took some time to think about this woman who even at 43yrs old, is finer than frog hair split four ways, And though I don’t know her personally, it’s almost like I wanna cry for Halle. It’s like I hear her tearfully lement that “love shoulda brought your ass home,” all over again like she did in the movie Boomerang. And speaking of which, I think that’s part of her problem; the fact that she did the movie Boomerang.

Plain and simple, that woman has been cursed since that movie. I think after doing that role as “Angela”, fellas just figured she was that dumb chick who was easy to get over on. But, I’m not entirely sure that’s her fault. Actually, because of that movie, I’d say Robin Givens totally f*cked it up for her.  I mean, why settle for sweet innocent Halle when you could have Robin Givens and her crazy ass manipulative mother, right?

Since I don’t really believe in curses and all that voodoo shit, I’m gonna say there’s more to it. And that might be: The Crazy Bitch Syndrome. For all we know, she just might be one of those crazy-ass girlfriends. You know, the type who when you wake up in the middle of the night,  she’s standing or sitting at the edge of the bed staring at you? Yep, and then you ask her what’s the deal, to which the reply would be, “I do this all the time baby, I love watching you sleep.”

I dunno about other guys, but I had a woman do that to me once and immediately the theme song from Psycho started playing in my head. Halle just might be that type of woman. Even worse, she just might be that crazy jealous type chick who makes her man drop his draws so she could smell his penis when he comes home every day. Trust me, there are women like this. Yes, and there’s really so much of that abuse one can take, right fellas?

Of course there’s always the issue of bad sex, and I’m sure some of you can identify with this one. Have you ever met someone, who in your eyes was just fine as hell, sexy than a mugg, only to be disappointed after having sex with them a few times? Raise your hand if this has ever happened to you. I know I’ve been there, and like some of you, I stuck it out just hoping that it would get better but it didn’t.

Yep, after a while the sex is so horrible that you’ve run out of other people to fantasize about while doing it. Uh-huh, after a while you resort to fantasizing about the woman with the orthopedic shoe who lives in your building who’s been trying her best to throw you the coochie.OK, so maybe I’m the only one who’s done that, but you get where I’m coming from, right?

And it may not be bad sex; she’s probably not freaky enough. Even worse, her head-game is probably wack and needs some work. As fine as Halle is, she just might be one of those teething ass women when it comes to oral sex. And because she’s Halle Berry you don’t wanna hurt her feelings, right? That plus in the back of your mind you keep thinking, “this is Halle-Fuckin-Berry! Ain’t no way imma throw this fish back in the lake, son,” but then it gets old after a while.

I mean when a white dude kicks you to the curb, and being the latest in a long list of men to do just that. I think at some point you have to stop and re-evaluate at least your head game if nothing else. Like Biggie said, “if the head right Biggie there e’ry night.” Um, let that be a lesson to you can’t find/keep a man single ladies out there. Yep, show me a man who isn’t down with that and I’ll show you a cat who just might rob you as dishonest as he is.

Of course I could be dead ass wrong on this as I’m only speculating. Maybe there’s not a damn thing wrong with her; and, it’s the fact that men just ain’t shit that serves to be the real problem. Yeah, I’ll resign myself to the “men ain’t shit,” line of reasonable logic. Because surely none of it is on her or her choice of men, right? But then again, even if that were the case, isn’t her string of kicked-to-the-curbness a red flag as to something not being right with her? Whatever the case may be, I’m pretty sure she’ll bounce back as I’m sure there’s no shortage of men willing to date her. The question will forever remain: what exactly is up with Halle and what is she doing wrong?

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RiPPa is the creator, publisher, and editor-in-chief of The Intersection of Madness & Reality. As a writer, he uses his sense of humor, sarcasm, and sardonic negro wit to convey his opinion. Being the habitual line-stepper and fire-breathing liberal-progressive, whether others agree with him, isn’t his concern. He loves fried chicken, watermelon, and President Barack Obama. Yes, he's Black; yes, he's proud; and yes, he says it loud. As such, he's often misunderstood.