Sammy Sosa did an interview on ESPNDeportes to talk about the MLB’s Home Run Derby. Unfortunately, the retired slugger left many scratching their heads.

I don’t know what’s going on with Sammy Sosa, but I know, as the great Keith Sweat would say, “something something, something something, just ain’t right.”

Some say it’s a manifestation of self-hate. Sammy, like many black people throughout the diaspora, could possibly be infected with the shame of blackness. This is a byproduct of white supremacy. Yes, it’s a thing. For centuries people of color have been made to feel less than and inferior to white people. As a result, for many, skin bleaching has become a convenient tool in the ongoing pursuit of white acceptance.

Now, I don’t know Sammy Sosa personally, so I make the mistake of diagnosing him from afar. For all I know, Sammy isn’t infected with the shame of blackness. Moreover, the black man born in the Dominican Republic known as Sammy Sosa has absolutely no problems with his racial identity. For all I know, despite the fact that colorism is a thing in the Caribbean. Despite the fact that colorism as an issue is heavily pronounced in the Dominican Republic as widely reported. For all I know, Sammy is just fine.

I won’t take license and say that Sammy hates being black.

No, that’s too easy; and, I think it’s dismissive. In the black community, to label a black person as self-hating is to throw them to the trash heap. You look at Sammy Sosa and you conclude that he’s truly fucked up, you’re pretty much saying he has Ebola. In other words, he’s like a leper. He’s untouchable. Because nobody would dare have their blackness compromised by associating with a person who hates being black.

Sammy Sosa

It’s almost like coming out gay for the first time. For many, once they come out, they’re no longer that person their friends and family once loved. Instead, you’re just that gay-ass-gay confused motherfucker that nobody wants to fuck with. Yes, and your humanity is then questioned and becomes damn near invisible. I’m sorry, but I think this is problematic.

Rather than being cast aside, anyone afflicted should be embraced. They shouldn’t be made t feel less than by people of their own race. After all, they’re already carrying the weight of shame as internalized racial oppression would have it. So no, I won;t take the easy route and say that Sammy is simply just another self-hating black man.

Instead, however, I’m just going to go with the theory that this is what happens when Jheri Curl juice and steroids run into each other, inside the body of a million dollar black man.

(Someone needs to go check on those brothers in Full Force real quick.)

Sammy looks like a dried up dead vagina. I’ve never seen a dried up dead vagina before. However, I’m pretty sure that this is what a dried up dead vagina looks like.

I’ve never seen a dried up dead vagina before. Mind you, I’ve been up close and personal with many a vagina while they’ve been alive. However, I’m pretty sure that this is what a dried up dead vagina looks like. And seriously, if he hasn’t, he needs to see a doctor.

Yes, the brother looks like he’s straight out of the Walking Dead.

It’s tragic that one of my once beloved professional baseball players has gone from being black to straight up pink. He’s not even white, he’s just dried up dead vagina pink, and it’s not a good look. That said, I’m gonna listen to “Say It Loud (I’m Black And I’m Proud)” by my daddy James Brown, and say 10 Hail Marys for the brother.

You know, anything to keep my shit correct, yes?

Sammy Sosa Needs A Lot Of Help

Who am I kidding? Sammy Sosa looks the way he looks because he was bleaching his skin.

According to Newsweek, Sammy admitted this back in 2009.

“It’s a bleaching cream that I apply before going to bed and whitens my skin tone,” Sosa said while appearing on Univision’s Primer Impacto show. “It’s a cream that I have, that I use to soften [my skin], but has bleached me some. I’m not a racist, I live my life happily.”

Before and after

“What happened was that I had been using the cream for a long time and that, combined with the bright TV lights, made my face look whiter than it really is. I don’t think I look like Michael Jackson,” he added.

Does he look like Michael Jackson? Hell no. Does he look like a black man? Hell no. Does he look like a white man right now? Hell to the naw naw naw! Sammy Sosa needs an intervention, some soul food, and a bush bath by an Orisha high-priestess to get his shit together. At least one doctor has said that skin bleaching can kill you. Which is a damn shame that we have to worry about being killed and killing ourselves as a result.