Today on live television, I watched a ventriloquist dunny that resembled Donald Trump say some bad things about white nationalists who were in Charlottesville, Virginia this weekend. You may recall there was a huge event that started with a feel of a college tiki party last Friday night. Apparently, many of the participants were hung over from the previous night, and things didn’t end well on Saturday. They attempted to hold a “Unite the Right” rally at some park with some old dead guy on a horse to express their economic anxiety.

President Donald Trump speaks about the deadly white nationalist rally in Charlottesville, Va., Monday, Aug. 14, 2017, in the Diplomatic Room of the White House in Washington. (AP Photo/Evan Vucci)

Things went so bad for the college boys that a very nice white young lady who didn’t appreciate their anger was killed. This, of course, had the country appalled and forced numerous politicians to scold the college boys over the weekend. The governor of Virginia was so upset, he held a press conference to deliver a message to the college boys. Unlike Trump, his message was direct and clear. He basically told them to “get the fuck out.”

All the while this was happening, everyone waited with bated breath to hear what if anything President Trump would say to or about the college boys. After all, the angry college boys were all supporters of Trump. And as David Duke, their Dean of Admissions put it in one of his many tweets in response to Trump via Twitter. I suppose he chose Twitter and didn’t call directly since his back-channel phone line was down.

Duke called the rally a “turning point,” saying that the college boys would fulfill the promises of Trump’s candidacy. Because, as he tweeted above, Trump owes his white supremacist base bigly. Nonetheless, in spite of a little pushback from his minions, Trump decided to bite the bullet and issue a full-throated condemnation of his terrorist friends. You know, the white freedom-fighters in his base?

The only problem with that is that it was not Trump who delivered those remarks. Like I said, it was a ventriloquist dummy. He looked like Trump, but it definitely wasn’t Trump. Now, I couldn’t see the actual ventriloquist with the hand up the ass of the dummy as they do. Whatever they did to hide him, it worked.

Yet and still, the ventriloquist was able to give more life to the inanimate dummy and make him just a little bit more human-like. Moreso than the orange turd who plays idiot-in-chief.

“Racism is evil — and those who cause violence in its name are criminals and thugs, including KKK, neo-Nazis, white supremacists, and other hate groups are repugnant to everything we hold dear as Americans,” said the dummy in response to the attacks. Funny how he has ignored the uptick in hate crimes.

“Those who spread violence in the name of bigotry strike at the very core of America,” the ventriloquist dummy added. “To anyone who acted criminally in this weekend’s racist violence, you will be held fully accountable,” he said. “Justice will be delivered. ” Yeah, I’m pretty sure even Kim Jung-Un laughed at that.

Watch the video:

 

I guess this is what pressure will do to a man who never admits to any wrong doing. which is interesting, because on TV this morning, Jeff Sessions said that Trump absolutely should condemn his neo-Nazis supporters…  because, well, reasons. When the man once deemed too racist to be a federal judge who probably still owns slaves in Alabama says “you’re more racist than me, sir,” that’s when you’ve lost. Like, lost real mad bigly, son. Again, even Jeff Sessions was of the opinion that his remarks weren’t sufficient.

I’m disappointed in Trump’s latest statement on the event in Charlottesville, though. I expected to hear him say that he’d cover the legal fees of any of the white nationalists arrested by the FBI. But, unfortunately, he didn’t. If there’s any doubt that the words read at the White House today were written by Trump, stop. Not only were they not written by Trump, they weren’t read by Trump. So, if you’re still not satisfied with what you heard, trust me, it’s all the fault of the ventriloquist. Yes, blame it on the dummy and not Trump.

Remember, you can learn a lot from a dummy.