The year was 2003…

South Park had an episode named “All About Mormons” (<– watch it there if you have been asleep for the last 9 years) in their 7th season, in which they went through this seemingly far-fetched story and explanation of exactly what it is that Mormons Believe. At the time, I was without a car after a near-death situation back at the beginning of that summer, so I had nothing but time when I was not working 60 hours a week to get myself back into one.

When it went off, I went RIGHT to the internets to check the “this is bullshit” meter on this. What resulted was a “Phillip is awake until 4am” internet journey looking further into the Book of Mormon. What I learned at the time was not only PRECISELY outlined in the episode, but it was what took me deeper into the rabbit hole that had me up until 4 in the morning. More on that in a minute.

As I have stated here before, I have NO qualms admitting that I was raised in the church and my understanding of the bible leaves me not willing to take it literally so much as understanding that 2012 science is what it was then, so the tenor of HOW what was written was written reflects that. I prefer to take the lesson and apply to a more current situation. I do what works for me.

This matters because this “research” was done in 2003, and I became aware of Romney when he ATTEMPTED to run for president in 2008, but stalled out in the primaries. The moment I read that he was Mormon, I was done with him.

Last week, AlterNet posted a story/link that detailed one of the tenets of Mormon belief; that Jesus would return to the earth in Independence Missouri (lol, I said Missouri) AND Jerusalem and rule for (only?) 1000 years. His return in this manner was tied to a United States in a constitutional crisis and on the verge of collapse and that the savior making way for Jesus’ return would himself be a Mormon and that OTHER Mormons would be made “Gods” themselves on the other side of this.

Now, we all know that Joseph Smith was a CONVICTED con-man. What we may have missed is that he is apparently a very bad fanfiction novelist whose most famous and influential work was loosely based on what we SHOULD believe about the New Testament with a sprinkling of what he could – for his own personal gain – convince us that we should believe about it.

And this is where Willard Mittens Romney comes in.

See, having read and pretending to believe what this fan fiction novel contains, he has used his privileged position to rise in the ranks of this “church,” using it to avoid military service and generally avoid the onus of having to behave like a decent human being when conveniently avoidable. Now having lost the 2008 GOP race, and seeing that a party whose policies have CREATED the problem that currently dog the country and its economy, Mittens has created HIMSELF as the “Mormon savior” who will save the US from certain doom.

Now, Mormons only make up about 2% of the US population and EVERY SINGLE ONE of those voting for Mitt might not make so much of a difference in his outcome of the election. What must be watched is the number of people who might still wake up on Election Tuesday still needing to be convinced to actually vote at all. Drawing the fact that some might be convinced to buy Joseph Smith’s snake oil will EASILY believe that Mitt is – instead of an entitled asshole who is growing increasingly frustrated that he has to be more aggressive than he feels he has to be – the aforementioned “savior” of America named in Smith’s fanfic novel.

But no, not me…

Again, my mind was made up the moment that Romney’s name came to my attention. Well, one could say that it was made four years before that. Maybe it is just me, but I cannot actively allow myself to trust a dude who ADMITS to believing something like that and then appears more to be using it for his own personal gain.

In other words, Romney never had my vote, and it was never because anyone involved was black or white.