I want to have a conversation with Rodger William Kelly. I have never been compelled to have a conversation with any of the subjects in the stories that I post on this site. But this motherfucker right here?!! Oh yeah, we need to have a heart-to-heart conversation about saving lives, sex, and rape.

Not that there’s much my overly-immature-self can teach to a 50-year-old grown-ass-man or anything. It’s just that I would like to know what the hell is on his rabbit-ass-mind when he did what he did to his neighbor? And more importantly, I would like to know if he has any plans of sticking to his story in defense of his actions? O course some people are into saving lives and that’s a good thing. But having sex with an unconscious woman so as to save her life? Come on, sir. You’re looking like more like Mr. Rapey McRapist than you do a Good Samaritan with this bullshit story.

This from The Salt Lake City Tribune:

A 50-year-old St. George man is in trouble after he allegedly found a female neighbor unconscious on her front porch and allegedly claimed he had sex with her to try to warm her.

Rodger William Kelly told police he inserted his penis inside the unconscious 29-year-old on May 19 because “he was trying to save her life,” according to court documents.

“He said he did place it inside of her to try and get her temperature up,” police wrote in a probable cause statement filed in 5th District Court.

Looks like 50-year-old Rodger William Kelly took that State Farm "Like a good neighbor" jingle too seriously.
Looks like 50-year-old Rodger William Kelly took that State Farm “Like a good neighbor” jingle too seriously.

Police told Kelly that his actions amounted to rape. He was charged Monday with one count of first-degree felony rape.

Kelly told officers that he found the woman passed out in front of her apartment and brought her inside his apartment, changed her clothes and put her on his bed. He said he then lay down next to her and hugged her to try to get her temperature up because she had been outside, then attempted intercourse to warm her.

When police arrived, responding to an unconscious person call, they said they found Kelly inside his apartment giving the woman CPR.

The woman later told police she thought she might have been raped and recalled being dressed in a pair of the man’s underwear and shorts. She told police she had bruising on her pelvic and upper thighs, according to court documents.

The hospital was unable to complete a rape kit because the woman’s vaginal area was cleaned while she was sedated, according to court documents.

Kelly told police that the two previously were intimate, but admitted the woman had told him before the incident that she didn’t want to have sex with him again.

Okay, so I don’t know much about Utah. Heck, for all I know it is probably fifty degrees below zero out there at this time of the year. Even so, I sincerely doubt that the insertion of a penis into a frozen and unconscious woman’s vagina is the suggested or prescribed fix for hypothermia.

I’m not a doctor, nor do I play one on television; but, of all the methods of resuscitation I doubt whether this one exists. Of course the medical books that I have read over the years are old. So, maybe this is something new that even the cops in Utah are not quite educated on just yet.

That said, I wonder what would he have done if his neighbor was a man instead of a woman. Would he have been quick on his feet as he was with his female neighbor and insert his penis into his you know what? Now do you see why I would love to have a conversation with this man?