Despite making history as the team with the best winning record in the NBA ever, the Golden State Warriors failed to win the championship. As a fan, allow me to help you grieve.

While a lot has been rightfully said of the awesomeness of LeBron James given his team’s historic comeback from a 3-1 deficit to take the series. I think it’s time for us to place the blame for the catastrophic choke-job meltdown on the part of the Warriors where it rightfully should.

While we can analyze the series and posit conspiracy theory after conspiracy theory, the truth is that the Warriors loss was all the fault of Sen. Bernie Sanders. I know it sounds crazy, but follow me on this.

Don’t blame the Warriors, blame Bernie

Remember that time Danny Glover took Bernie Sanders to that Warriors home game, days before the California Primary? Remember Bernie talking about making a comeback like the Warriors after that game? At the time, it was game seven of the Western Conference Finals, and the Warriors had overcome the seemingly insurmountable task of defeating the Oklahoma City Thunder by coming back from a 3-1 deficit in the series themselves. Bernie attended the game just days before the California Primary, where he predicted that he would beat Hillary Clinton.

Sanders and Glover, who arrived from a rally in downtown Oakland, sat in Section 108, in the 15th row behind the basket. The Vermont senator was visible as one of the few spectators not wearing a distinctive yellow “Strength in Numbers” T-shirt or other Warriors garb. His presence drew those seeking selfies and autographs. (Glover, for his part, did put on one of those “Strength in Numbers” shirts — spotlighting a phrase coined by Warriors coach Steve Kerr.)

“We came in the second half and the Warriors turned it around,” Sanders said, according to a pool reporter’s account.

Asked whether the Warriors’ comeback could be attributed to his attendance, the Vermont senator remarked, “Absolutely. No question about it … What other explanation is there?” (source)

Kinda cocky, wasn’t he?

bernie-sanders-warriors_1_650xBernie’s win over Hillary in what would have been the last major primary contest was supposed to give him the necessary momentum to back up his argument that he was the better candidate to face off against Donald Trump in the general election. It was a silly argument given the fact that Bernie was all but out of the picture mathematically, and had no chance of becoming the presumptive nominee. Well, as fate, polls, and the will of the people would have it, Bernie lost the California Primary.

Blaming Bernie makes perfect sense

So, here we are today. Since attributing the success of the Warriors in game seven of the Western Conference Finals to himself, even with no hope of becoming the eventual nominee, Bernie has chosen to stay in the race. Mind you, there are no more primary contests. Which is funny because one week after losing in California, Bernie had his clock cleaned in the Washington D.C. Primary in a contest in which Hillary Clinton did not compete. So while things may have looked great for the Warriors in the NBA finals as they opened up the series to a 3-1 lead, clearly, some of Bernie’s un-luck and shitty math rubbed off on them.

If you’re a fan of the Warriors, you might see this all as bullshit and think that the series was rigged. Well, the NBA isn’t rigged and neither were the Democratic Primaries (Bernie has admitted as much). If anything, Bernie, as my Caribbean people would say, was on some “goat mouth” shit and just jinxed the fuck out of the Warriors. I realize that this all sounds crazy. But hey, it sounds a lot better than saying that Steph Curry and his boys choked. Or that LeBron James is the real MVP; and, that all the talk about Curry being one of the greats was premature.

4 COMMENTS

  1. True story, my family moved from New York back to Phoenix in 1979. We were at an outdoor mall and a local TV reporter and camera guy asks my Dad “What do you think the Suns should to to win?” Had they asked my older brother they would have got “Give Truck Robinson more court time.” But my father, who didn’t give a rat’s ass about being on the news, or basketball, gave them “Don’t do what the Knicks do.” And walked away.

  2. I can remember when the Suns had some great teams back in the day – yes, I’m that old. Similarly, I can remember when the Knicks had decent teams in the 90s. It seems like centuries ago now that I think about it.

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